Friday, June 4, 2010

Pippin's POV: Root Beer Float

Yesterday my Mrs. Owner was talking while she cleaned out my paddock and stall first thing in the morning. She mentioned something about a float, but I was too busy eating my hay to really pay attention to her. She mumbles a lot when she is cleaning up. Anyway, I have heard of floats. They sound really good. They sound better than my dry old hay. Ice cream sounds delicious and I bet the root beer would be tickle-y-itious!
So after breakfast she took me out and I hopped right into the big, noisy box. I was looking forward to the float and ha, ha, ha on Doc, he didn't get to come! We traveled up the bumpy road. We traveled down the turny road. We traveled on the fast road where you can hear all kinds of swishy noises. When we got to the float place I thought to myself, 'Uh, oh, something is really wrong here. There must be some kinda mistake.' Because when my Mrs. Owner helped me get out of the big, noisy box (I don't like backing up...I can't see where to put my feet so my Mrs. Owner has to help me go really slow and careful. She tries to tell me when to step down so I am not surprised), I looked around, expecting to see the float thing, but what I found instead, the thing that made my heart kinda go bong-bong-bong, was that I was at the house of the 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary'. I was really kinda mad at my Mrs. Owner because she tricked me. She told me I was going to get a float and I thought she meant ice cream. It turns out she said I was going to have my teeth floated....and believe me, that's not ice cream! It's not a piece of cake, either!
The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' put me in a a very strong cage. He gave me a shot. What happened after that is kinda fuzzy and swimmy. 
He forced my mouth open and made me rinse. 
 He forced my head up and my brain began to rattle. 
He worked a long time. 

Later my mouth felt like I had been eating hay on the sandy ground. Everything was gritty. 
But, that's not the worse thing. I am so humiliated by what he did next. The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' isn't a nice man. Do you know what he did? Oooo, this is so awful....he played with my, well, you know what I mean, uh, he played with, willy winky. I won't let anyone touch me there. I won't even let my Mrs. Owner touch me there. I'm very private about things like that. The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' said, oh, how embarrassing, that my wee, willy winky was kinda stinky. I blush just thinking about it and thinking about having a man fondle me like that. Thank Gawd my Mrs. Owner had to stand at my head to hold me. It would have been even worse to know that she was watching what that 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' was doing.
This was not a good day. It turns out that Doc was the lucky one. When my Mrs. Owner brought me home I wouldn't even look at Doc. I walked into my stall and hung my head in the corner. I was mad and sad. I felt so...violated. This was a no good, very bad, awful, terrible day.


  1. I feel your pain and humiliation, Pippin'. Just be thankful Mrs. Owner didn't photograph the part where...well, you know.


  2. Poor Pippin! But good dental hygiene is good for horse and human alike! and well... as for the other... some things must be done!

  3. Oh Pippin, you poor boy. From the hope of a rootbeer float to the humiliation of winky fondling. What a disappointment. Well, the rootbeer float would rot your teeth anyway. But, I think I'll pour myself one right now and drink in your honor. word verification is surgr. "There is too much surgr in a rootbeer float for Pippin."

  4. Poor Pippin!!! How awful and embarrassing. But.....just think how much EASIER it will be to stuff your face full of hay!!!

  5. Ah, Merri, no ice cream afterward. My Mrs. Owner said something about cavities...I had about 5 of them the last time I had my teeth floated. She won't let me have sugar :-(
    But she did give me a lot of loving and some extra special hay.
    Once Upon, thanks for toasting me with a float. At least that's some recognition!
    Hank, I knew you would understand. It is kinda a horse, guy thing, huh?


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