Clean as a Whistle

Although Pippin did not particularly appreciate having his sheath cleaned by the vet, it was a whole lot easier than my trying to clean it at home! Even under sedation Pippin registered his disgruntlement with the procedure with a lot of tail swishing and a few half-hearted attempts to block the attack with his hoof.
I have very little trouble working with Doc in this area, and figured that with Pippin, trust would come. Apparently not!

For any of you that are not familiar with sheath cleaning, or need a refresher, I found the following instructions to be quite accurate and downright amusing:

THE CLEANING PROCESS...
WRITTEN BY: Patricia Harris   [1998]

1.) Check to make sure there are no prospective boyfriends, elderly neighbors, or Brownie troops with a line of sight to the proceedings. Though of course they're probably going to show up unexpectedly ANYWAY once you're in the middle of things. Prepare a good explanation.

2.) Trim your fingernails short. Assemble horse, hose, and your sense of humor (plus, ideally, Excalibur cleanser and perhaps thin rubber gloves). [Note from Dreaming: I use Excalibur at home, but the vet used Ivory Soap dish detergent....lots and lots of it! I have heard that Ivory has the proper pH and does not irritate sensitive skin.]

3.) Use hose (or damp sponge) to get the sheath and its inhabitant wet. Uh, that is, do this in a *civilized* fashion with due warning to the horse; he is apt to take offense if an icy-cold hose blasts unexpectedly into his personal regions ;-)

4.) Now introduce your horse to Mr Hand . What I find safest is to stand facing the horse's head, with my shoulder and hip snugly against the horse's thigh and hip so that if he makes any suspicious move such as raising his leg, I can feel it right away and am in any case pressed so close that all he can do is shove, not really kick. The horse should be held by an assistant or by your free hand, NOT tied fast to a post or to crossties. He may shift around a good bit if he's not happy with Mr Hand's antics, but don't be put off by that; as long as you are patient and gradual, and stick close to his side, he'll get over it. Remember that it would be most unladylike of you to simply make a direct grab for your horse's Part. Give the horse a clue about what's on the program. Rest your hand against his belly, and then slide it back til you are entering The Home of the Actual Private Part. When you reach this first region of your destination, lube him up good with Excalibur or whatever you're using. If the outer part of his sheath is really grungy you will feel little clods and nubblies of smegma peeling off as you grope around in there. Patiently and gently expedite their removal. [Note from Dreaming: I pour Excalibur onto my hand while wearing some sort of plastic glove. The vet put about 15 paper towel sheets into a bucket of water. He would take one at a time, wring out most of the water and add at least 2 Tbs of soap to it.]

5.) Thus far, you have probably only been in the outer part of the sheath. The Part Itself, you'll have noticed, is strangely absent. That's because it has retired shyly to its inner chambers. Roll up them thar sleeves and follow in after it ;-)

6.) As you and Mr Hand wend your way deeper into the sheath, you will encounter what feels like a small portal that opens up into a chamber beyond. Being attentive to your horse's reaction, invite yourself in . You are now in the inner sanctum of The Actual Private Part. It's hiding in there towards the back, trying to pretend it isn't there. Say hi and wave to it . No, really, work your finger back and forth around the sides of it. If the horse won't drop, this is your only shot at removing whatever dried smegma is clinging to the surface of the Part itself. So, gently explore around it, pulling out whatever crusty topsoil you find there. Use more water and more Excalibur if necessary to loosen attached gunk.

7.) When Mr Hand and the Actual Private Part have gotten to know each other pretty well, and the Part feels squeaky clean all around, there remains only one task: checking for, and removing, the bean. The bean is a pale, kidney-shaped accumulation of smegma in a small pouch just inside the urethra. Not all horses accumulate a bean, but IME the majority do, even if they have no visible external smegma. So: the equine urethra is fairly large diameter, and indeed will permit you to very gently insinuate one of your slimmer fingers inside the urethral opening. Do so, and explore upwards for what will feel like a lump or "pea" buried no more than, I dunno, perhaps 3/4" in from the opening. If you do encounter a bean, gently and sympathetically persuade it out with your finger. This may require a little patience from BOTH Mr Hand AND the horse, but the horse will be happier and healthier once it's accomplished. In the rare event that the bean is too enormous for your finger to coax out, you might try what I did (in desperation) last month on the orange horse: Wrap thumb and index finger around the end of the Part and squeeze firmly to extrude the bean. Much to my surprise it worked and orange horse did NOT kill me for doing it and he does not seem to have suffered any permanant damage as a result ;-> I have never in my life seen another bean that enormous, though.

8.) Now all that's left to do is make a graceful exit and rinse the area very thoroughly in apology for the liberties you've taken . A hose will be MUCH easier to use here than just a sponge and bucket, IME. Make sure to direct the water into the Part's inner retreat too, not merely the outer part of the sheath. This may require you to enfold the end of the hose in your hand and guide it up there personally. [Note from Dreaming: I have used the hose when rinsing Doc. He tolerates it for short periods of time. The Vet used dripping wet paper towels.]

9.) Ta-da, you are done! Say, "Good horsie" and feed him lots of carrots. Watch him make funny faces at the way your hands smell. Hmm. Well, perhaps there is ONE more step...

10.) The only thing I know of that is at all effective in removing the lovely fragrance of smegma from your hands (fingernails arms elbows and wherever else it's gotten) is Excalibur. Even then, if you didn't use gloves you may find you've got an unusual personal perfume for a while. So, word to the wise, do NOT clean your horse's sheath just before an important job interview or first date ;-) and of course, there is that one FINAL step...

11.) Figure out how to explain all this to your mother (or the kid from next door, or the meter reader, or whoever else you've just realized has been standing in the barn doorway speechlessly watching the entire process.)

Now, go thou forth and clean that Part :-)

The preceding post is located at: http://www.equusite.com/articles/health/healthSheathCleaning.shtml
Permission to repost this information was requested from both the author and the owner of equusite.com

Pippin's POV: Root Beer Float

Yesterday my Mrs. Owner was talking while she cleaned out my paddock and stall first thing in the morning. She mentioned something about a float, but I was too busy eating my hay to really pay attention to her. She mumbles a lot when she is cleaning up. Anyway, I have heard of floats. They sound really good. They sound better than my dry old hay. Ice cream sounds delicious and I bet the root beer would be tickle-y-itious!

So after breakfast she took me out and I hopped right into the big, noisy box. I was looking forward to the float and ha, ha, ha on Doc, he didn't get to come! We traveled up the bumpy road. We traveled down the turny road. We traveled on the fast road where you can hear all kinds of swishy noises. When we got to the float place I thought to myself, 'Uh, oh, something is really wrong here. There must be some kinda mistake.' Because when my Mrs. Owner helped me get out of the big, noisy box (I don't like backing up...I can't see where to put my feet so my Mrs. Owner has to help me go really slow and careful. She tries to tell me when to step down so I am not surprised), I looked around, expecting to see the float thing, but what I found instead, the thing that made my heart kinda go bong-bong-bong, was that I was at the house of the 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary'. I was really kinda mad at my Mrs. Owner because she tricked me. She told me I was going to get a float and I thought she meant ice cream. It turns out she said I was going to have my teeth floated....and believe me, that's not ice cream! It's not a piece of cake, either!

The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' put me in a a very strong cage. He gave me a shot. What happened after that is kinda fuzzy and swimmy. 

He forced my mouth open and made me rinse. 

 He forced my head up and my brain began to rattle. 

He worked a long time. 

Later my mouth felt like I had been eating hay on the sandy ground. Everything was gritty. 

But, that's not the worse thing. I am so humiliated by what he did next. The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' isn't a nice man. Do you know what he did? Oooo, this is so awful....he played with my, well, you know what I mean, uh, he played with my....my....wee, willy winky. I won't let anyone touch me there. I won't even let my Mrs. Owner touch me there. I'm very private about things like that. The 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' said, oh, how embarrassing, that my wee, willy winky was kinda stinky. I blush just thinking about it and thinking about having a man fondle me like that. Thank Gawd my Mrs. Owner had to stand at my head to hold me. It would have been even worse to know that she was watching what that 'horse doctor guy who smells kinda scary' was doing.

This was not a good day. It turns out that Doc was the lucky one. When my Mrs. Owner brought me home I wouldn't even look at Doc. I walked into my stall and hung my head in the corner. I was mad and sad. I felt so...violated. This was a no good, very bad, awful, terrible day.

Doc's Diatribe: What's de sense of desensitizing?

My Mrs. Owner took Pippin and me on a long ride in the big, noisy box. When we came out of the box we were at a friend's house for something called desensitizing. Makes no sense to me. I've heard that being sensitive is a good quality. It's something I have to work at because frankly, sometimes I could give a flip how others feel.

This is a picture of me trying to be sensitive to Pippin's feelings in the friend's arena.

We did all kinds of things at the friend's house. I didn't really like the blue walls that you can see to the left of my shoulder in the picture above. I just knew that I would hit my head and it would hurt if I tried to walk through the wall. duh! Uh, Mrs. Owner, where did you go? My Mrs. Owner is magic. One minute she was with me, the next minute she had tele-transported to the other side of the blue wall.


I liked the clip-clop sound I made going over the fake bridge. Who do they think they are kidding by putting a piece of plywood on the ground? Any fool horse would know that bridges don't sound or feel that way.


The friend had a few tarps on the ground. I've seen those before. Pippin carried one around. I wouldn't touch it. In fact, don't tell anyone but I was naughty. When they weren't looking, I took a whiz on one of them!  Tee-hee, it made a funny sound!

This is me standing on the box.

I really didn't want to get up on the box. After all, I'm not some sort of simpleminded, muddle-headed, brainless circus horse. But the friend was very kind and patient. She tricked helped me. She fed me treats. 

Mrs. Owner was busy with Pippin. 

That dang, fool horse was practically crawling on her head trying to get to the treats. He hasn't learned how to act disdainful and aloof.

I had to try on a new saddle. It is called a Barefoot saddle. That's a really silly name because it has nothing to do with your feet. I already have barefeet....four of them. 

My Mrs. Owner said that I should thank Kimberly of Sallys Saddles for letting me try the Barefoot saddle. It is really pretty. It is really light and comfy. It has a horse head on the saddle flap. You can see it in the picture. What do you think? Does the saddle make my butt look big?

Pippin and I had a chance to see a lot of different things. I usually won't admit it, because I'm that kind of a grumpy gus, but I had a lot of fun. 



Mrs. Owner also wanted me to thank Diana for all of the work she did in setting up the arena and for helping me.

All's Well That (Hopefully Will) End Well

Several weeks ago I had my annual mammogram and shortly after received a form letter that read something like this:

Dear Cynthia, the radiologist has reviewed the films from your recent mammogram. Please do not be alarmed but further studies of your right breast are required. Please call to make an appointment....yada, yada, yada. Actually it's kinda interesting that I got a similar letter following the previous mammogram about the left breast! I guess that is why all of this seemed rather routine.

I thought about the joke that had circulated on email a while back, and considered whether any of these measures would help me prepare for the upcoming tests:

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE #1
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.

EXERCISE #2
Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE #3
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram. 

On the appointed date and hour I returned to the center. In case you are short of time and don't care to read further, all is well, sort of! What? Me worry? Come back for reevaluation in 6 months? No problem!

So the kind, caring, and considerate technician takes two additional pictures. My thoughts during this process were:
1) Just where does she think I'm going to go when she asks me to 'hold still'? Uh, lady, my slightly sweaty right breast is flattened and wedged between two plastic 'paddles'. It is stuck fast and will probably have to be peeled off the plastic plate as it is. I mean, if you look at it the right way, it does kinda resemble dough that has been rolled out....it could stick like that too - oops, not enough flour on the counter! Anyway, I think that if I were to faint, and uh, if you don't hurry, I just might, my breast would still be held immovable with me dangling below.
2) Hold my breath? You gotta be kidding? With my arm draped over the machine this way and my opposite shoulder held back to 'clear the path' for the x-ray and my chin held up at an awkward angle so that the paddle assembly can move and my breast squished to a thickness of a cheap steak, you are delusional if you think I could breathe even if I wanted to!

Then I'm off to the ultrasound department with an equally caring and kind technician. But this time my right breast is assaulted with warm gel. In comparison to the mammogram paddles, this stuff is HOT! At least I can see the ultrasound as they have a nifty large flatscreen monitor on the wall. It's bigger than my TV at home! Seeing my breast tissue enlarged to that degree is rather.....rather....boring. I have no clue what I'm looking at. It looks like ocean waves. I begin to fantasize that I am in a Coast Guard helicopter and that we are looking for little lost sailboats being tossed on the stormy sea. After consulting with the radiologist and several more blobs of gel, it is determined that I need more mammogram shots. They use a black Sharpie marker to identify the spot, because the marker BB that they will tape on often falls off, what with all of the goo. I head into the mammogram room and realize that the goo, most of which was wiped off, some of which was not, has stuck the modesty jacket they provided to my breast....and my side....and on the side of my neck. Yeeuuck! Furthermore, I thought having a mammogram with a sweaty breast was tough. It doesn't come close to the strange feeling of sandwiching a gooey, sticky breast in plastic.

As I am now writing this on my blog, it is obvious that I survived the ordeal. The outcome is that they think  the inconsistencies that were noted on both the mammogram and the ultrasound are the result of scar tissue from a previous biopsy. Being the eternal optimist, I trust they are correct in their assessment. I am to carefully conduct self-exams and have another screening in six months. Another outcome of this adventure? Well, since I am in town and there are lots of nifty shops between me and home.....

All joking aside, breast cancer screening is a serious matter. Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women between the ages of 15 and 54. Statistics suggest that 1 out of every 8 women will acquire breast cancer in her lifetime. So, look around when you are with a group of 7 other friends. Based on these statistics, one of you will get breast cancer. If you are at a party with 15 other women, two of the women in the room will be a victim of breast cancer.  Breast cancer often has no outward signs or symptoms that you can see or feel. Please check with your doctor and follow his or her recommendations.

Farewell Good Friend

Monty

December 22, 1998 - May 21, 2010

Good-bye sweet boy

No more suffering

No more pain

Romp and play

Be young again

Twofer Today

What a fabulous day! I had the chance to ride both boys - no, not at once, although that would save considerably on time, maybe that should be a future goal....one foot on each! I mean, if Lorenzo can do it, why couldn't I? (You don't have to answer that question!)



Since we have had our third day of nice weather in a row, I decided I'd take Doc out for a ride on the roads and around our community's common property. We had gone just over a half mile when I saw some backdoor neighbors saddling up. I joined them and we rode for about 90 minutes. We did nothing more than a walk, but it was such a pleasure for Doc to have company along when cars went whizzing by, when dogs yipped from behind their fences, when the telephone man was noticed squatting next to a junction box, and then stood up, and when crossing some water - all of which he handled like a pro. He even took it in stride when some %&$-hole neighbor decided to speed up in his huge, noisy diesel truck while going past us. (Why do some people find perverse pleasure in trying to excite horses?)!
Then, after a break for some lunch and chores, I saddled Pippin. We did just a little round-pen work to make sure his head was in an 'OK' place, and then we set off with my son walking with us. My son had thought he might get a run in, but changed his mind, so we had a nice walk and talk. Pippin took a bit of exception to my son's gestures while talking, but finally relaxed enough to bring his head down and settle into a nice walk. The 'sitting on a powder keg' feeling finally left, or at least lurked below the surface and we all had a good time. We all relished in the arrival of spring....it's about time!

The Scoop on Poop

As you may have read, between snow storms I have managed to find some time to work in my yard and in my garden. I am so excited to have composted manure from my own horses to amend my lousy soil. I guess you'd have to say that either I'm very weird or I am a true gardener if I get excited about playing with horse sh*t! I got to thinking that others may not know the scoop on poop....so here's what I have learned:

• Etiology of the word, sh*t: Before the advent of commercial fertilizer manure was transported by ship to help farmers enrich soil and produce better crops. It was shipped in dry bales to limit the weight the ship had to carry. But, if the manure became wet while at sea, it not only became heavier, but it would begin to ferment. A by-product of the fermentation of manure is methane gas. The gas would collect and if some hapless sole came below decks at night carrying a lantern....well, you can imagine the problem that would ensue. So, once it was determined why the explosions were occurring, bales of manure were marked, "Ship High in Transit" to remind sailors where to store the bails so that water would not begin the process of creating explosive methane gas. Thus the term S.H.I.T, a shortened form of the label, came to mean manure. (Source: Rocky Mountain Haflinger Association, Jan - March 2010 Newsletter, "Haffie Trails")

•  Manure as Fertilizer: Manure can be used to add organic matter and nutrients to soil. The benefits to be derived from manure vary with the type of manure used and the way in which it is handled. The best manures for gardening come from ruminants. These are animals with several stomachs, such as cows, sheep and llamas. The food the ruminant eats is better digested and weed seeds are killed. The  digestive system of a horse does not kill as many weed seeds. Manure from chickens has a very high ammonia content so applying fresh poultry manure can burn your plants. Fertilizer has three main nutrients: Nitrogen, Phosphorus and Potassium. When you buy commercially prepared fertilizer the container will often list three numbers, such as 21-4-8. These numbers refer to the relative amount of each of the key nutrients in the order listed. Remember the words UP, DOWN and PRETTY to remember just what the nutrients do for your plants. Nitrogen helps promote healthy, green top growth. The Phosphorus supports root growth and the Potassium helps make large, beautiful blooms. That being said, it's interesting to know that horse manure has a rating of .7-.2-.7, cow manure is 1-.7-1 and chicken manure is 1.7-2.4-1.7*. The nutrient value of fresh horse manure is pretty darn low and to get close to the nutritional rates of commercial fertilizer, you'd need to heap a ton of manure onto your lawn and garden. Not very practical and not at all pretty! In addition, I have read that using manure as fertilizer may actually deplete nitrogen in your soil, especially if you have wood shavings or sawdust mixed in with the manure. The organisms from the soil that break down the manure require extra nitrogen to break down the carbon found in the wood products. Thus, your soil may have less nitrogen than if you had not applied the manure at all. And, as mentioned above, it is the nitrogen that promotes nice, green growth, so your grass may suffer. Confusing, huh? In my opinion, the long term benefits to be gained from spreading manure outweigh the possible negative effects, if it is done correctly. The negative effects can be ameliorated by minimizing the amount of bedding that winds up in your manure, spreading no more than the recommended amount of manure and by adding additional nutrients. So, are you totally baffled yet? It gets even more complicated! Manure contains salts. Different manures contain different levels of salts. Some soils already have too much salt. Salt at certain levels is not beneficial. Therefore this may limit the amount of manure you can spread at a given time. To determine how much manure you should add to your field or garden, you need to know the current nutrient levels, including salt, of your soil.  Local extension agencies generally have a soil testing program. They also have all kinds of handy dandy charts that will explain how much manure to add, based on your test results.(* nutrient rates vary depending on whether bedding is or is not included. Source: Colorado Extension Service, "Using Manure in the Home Garden")

• Composting Manure: If your head isn't already spinning, read on! Although composted manure loses some of its nutritional value because nutrients leach out in rain (unless compost bins are covered), it is an excellent source of organic material to add to your soil. Organic material helps hold moisture and nutrients in your soil. Ideally soil should be comprised of at least 5% organic material. I have sandy soil. The organic content is negligible so I try to add organic material when turning my garden or planting new shrubs, trees or flowers. This year some of that organic material is coming from my own compost pile. Composting manure requires that you have space where a fairly large mass of manure can sit over a period of time. Ideally it helps to have at least three manure bins or piles. One that you are currently using for your fresh manure and two others that are 'cooking'. The size of the pile depends on the number of horses you have and how much bedding is included in the manure, but anything less than 3'X3'X3' will not have enough mass to compost. Each pile should be able to hold 2-4 months worth of manure. That can be a lot of sh*t stuff! If conditions are right, organisms begin to break down the manure almost immediately. Organisms are at work in your pile if it begins to heat up. I purchased an inexpensive 'instant read' thermometer that I taped to the end of a painting pole. I can poke the thermometer into the pile and read the temperature. Within a day you should find that the inside temperatures rise and begin to approach 140 degrees. If the pile does not heat up it could mean that the manure is either too wet or too dry, or that it doesn't have enough air. The pile needs to be 'turned'. The contents need to be mixed up. The contents are too dry if when you form a ball and squeeze it together it falls apart. Add a little water. If the contents are too wet, allow the pile to dry out by turning it more frequently and/or by adding dryer material. If you live in a very wet or very dry climate you may find that you need to cover your compost pile with a tarp to maintain the optimum moisture level. If the pile begins to cool it is time to turn the manure again to expose all material to oxygen which allows the microorganisms to work. Some folks layer PVC pipe with small holes in their manure piles to introduce air without the need for turning. After several months the manure will have been  transformed into lovely organic matter and will stop 'cooking'. If temperatures surpassed 140 for a period of days in two different heat up cycles, weed seeds, parasites and insect eggs or larvae will have been killed and your composted manure will make an excellent soil amendment. 

Our compost piles are dug into a small hillside, so they are protected from the drying wind to some degree. If you look closely at the pile just under the bucket, you can see steam coming from the compost as it is being turned.

This is my thermometer....a slightly bent model...that I use to measure the temperature of the composting manure.