Old Broads' Foxhunting Rules

Today reminded me of a perfect perfectly awful day for fox hunting. It was cool and grey and shifted between mist and rain. (Did you hear that?! Rain! I guess I can stop whining about the drought... at least for a few days!) In my youth I participated in a number of hunts, several in weather like today. What fun! I'm not sure I'd relish the chase now with as much abandon as I did then!

Things change as a person ages! I found this set of rules a few years ago in the Aiken (SC) Hunt program and copy it, with permission, for your enjoyment.

Illustration Plate from Hunts With Jorrocks

Illustrated by G. Denholm Armour

1908

1. We DO NOT need to show up with our hair combed, make up on and wearing a clean shirt. We do wear hairnets, of course.
2. Moaning, groaning and complaining about aching muscles is perfectly acceptable, as is taking Motrin/Alevel/wine or a stiff drink prior to hunting.
3. Helping someone on or off the horse does not mean the rider is an invalid. It only means the horse got taller overnight.
4. No one will comment about how big someone's butt looks in a saddle.
5. Everyone will wait, patiently, while someone dismounts and adjusts equipment. Everyone will also wait, patiently, until that person remounts and is ready to move on... no matter how long that takes.
6. When a horse is acting up we will accept that the horse is just having a bad hair day and it is not the rider's fault
7. Mentioning it is too hot, too dry, too humid, too wet, or too buggy to hunt is considered self expression, not whining.
8. Wanting to be first, last, walk, or just stop does not mean the foxhunter is a wimp. Sometimes it is necessary to teach a horse who is in charge.
9. We will take the time during checks, or while hounds are working, for that matter, to discuss the important issues of the day like who is dating whom, who is cheating on whom and any other relevant information which needs to be passed on.
10. Not keeping your horse in a frame is not a Federal Crime. With all that is going on today, the FBI has too much on it's plate to follow us around.
11. We will acknowledge that horses are very strange animals and sometimes for no reason at all we fall off of them. If this happens to any rider, the other riders will ascertain that the person is okay and then not mention the incident to another living soul, especially husbands and significant others.
12. We will acknowledge, without apology, that riding more than two and a half hours increases our grumpy level far more than any ego benefits we may get from hunting longer.

Diary of a Huntress

6:30 PM  The lady who brings the yummy food in the metal bowl ran down to the barn, grabbed the horses' food, fed the horses and left. She didn't bring yummy food for me. I'm not happy,

6:55 PM  I keep watching the windows of the house where the lady who brings the yummy food in the metal bowl lives.  Did she forget about me? Hey, lady.... I'm here at the barn, in my house....waiting...

7:45 PM  It's getting dark. I'm getting hungry. I only have the yucky dry stuff that's suppose to be food. It tastes like cardboard and it feels like I'm chewing rocks. I prefer mushy stuff. I guess I need to see what I can find.

8:15 PM  There! Did you see it? There is something moving. Over there. In the grass. My tail twitches on its own accord. I hunker down and watch. I'm in stealth mode. My nose twitches. I can smell it. It has a rodent smell. It smells warm. It is coming closer. I move swiftly and pounce. Got it!

8:20 PM  I carry the prey into my house. I am just about to dig into it when I hear that obnoxious dog, Tucker. He runs into the barn. I hiss at him. He leaves and I hide. Luckily he didn't see my prey.

8:35 PM  The man comes into the barn with a light on a stick. I scurry under the horse trailer. The stupid dog is making all kinds of noise. The man shuts the door to my barn. Uh oh. I'm out here. My dinner prey is in there. S*#%

8:45 PM  Here comes the lady who brings the yummy food in the metal bowl with another light on a stick. I'm sitting tight. Ah, but she sees me and calls my name. OK, I smell the yummy food. I'm outta here. The lady who brings the yummy food in the metal bowl lets me into my house. She sees my prey and tells me what a good kitty I am. I melt. I purr. I feel all gooshy inside. The lady who brings the yummy food puts down the food in the metal bowl. She picks up my prey puts it in the big, black cylinder lined in black plastic. She musta put it there to keep it safe from things like Tucker.

9:35 PM  I want my prey. I can smell it. I jump into the big, black container. It's a really high jump, but I'm young. I can do it. Let's see; a bunch of paper, some baling twine, some empty metal bowls.... and... my prey. I grab the prey and jump out.

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6:45 AM  The lady who brings the yummy food in the metal bowl opens the door to my house and says, "Good Morning, Mama Boots." She sees the back half of my prey. (I could only eat half of it, what with the yummy food in the can and all.) She reminds me what a good kitty I am. She laughs and asks, "How did you get this out of the garbage can?" She tells me what an amazing huntress I am. I purr. I feel all gooshy inside.