Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Five Shopping Days Left

I can feel the sense of panic coming over the masses as Christmas comes inexorably closer. The calendar pages drift to the floor as the deadline nears. Only five shopping days left.


Most shoppers in the stores have become impervious to the spirit of Christmas; the carols tinkling over the intercom and the Salvation Army bells ringing at the store entrances fall on deaf ears. Shoppers in the store are on a mission. Their eyes are fixed on a distant point and they seem like automatons as they push their carts through the crowded aisles in a quest to find gifts for those hardest to shop for. Perhaps they have visions of the perfect gift, or maybe the TV ad for the item is running through their minds in an endless loop. Regardless, they seem blind to all but their purpose. They bump into your cart. They hit your heel with their cart. They stop, momentarily abandoning their carts in the busy aisles.


I am so tempted. But I refrain. It wouldn't be in the spirit of the holiday. It wouldn't be kind. But, I can imagine it, can't I? Oh, it would be so much fun! Sweet revenge! The idea comes from a small book called, Life's Little Annoyances: True Tales of People Who Just Can't Take It Anymore by Ian Urbina. One essay in the book describes a fellow's retaliation on shoppers who are guilty of cart mismanagement. While they have abandoned their carts in the middle of the aisle, he slips a little something into them. Something embarrassing, or something expensive, or something that is so inappropriate, it is laughable....at least to the perpetrator!

This season, for example, one might plant:
  • a Barbie in the classic pink box into the cart filled with Power Ranger action figures, a Marvel Wolverine Blaster and a Thomas the Tank train set. 
  • a super-sized bottle of Milk of Magnesia into a cart filled with large tins of shortbread cookies, plastic candy canes filed with M & M's, cartons of egg nog and, of course, a fruitcake!
  • a book on parenting for the mother with the 6 year-old who is wailing about not getting what he wants for Christmas. 
Certainly I would never play such a prank on a harried hapless shopper - but the thought is ... tempting and tantalizing!

11 comments:

  1. At our Walmart there are 20 checkout lanes and yesterday only five of them were open..talk about a pain. I only had one gift in my cart.
    I like your solution to people who leave their carts smack dab in the middle of an aisle..Limburger Cheese perhaps:)

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  2. LOL I was just talking about this with my cousin! The other day, I went to put some of my stuff in someone elses cart because I stupidly left the cart in the care of hubby, who lost it. My cousin says he does this all the time and hides to watch peoples reactions! I guess some of us never do grow up lol. I could think of a few people in stores I'd like to do it to though!

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  3. You are so bad! Better be careful, Santa is watching you, not much time left to get off of his naughty list!HAHA The best way to avoid the Zombies is to stay out of the stores for a while.

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  4. Don't you go putting stuff in my cart when I abandon it! I do that all the time. Abandon my cart, that is. The aisles are crowded, full of extra junk food that I don't need, so I park it at the end of the aisle - OUT OF THE WAY - and walk calmly down the aisle, pick up my ritz crackers, and walk calmly back to my cart. Hmmm, must be why there was ex-lax in my cart with all that cheese when I checked out! (kidding)

    Cindy Bee

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  5. I've not gotten ANY of my Christmas shopping done this year. We're going for the simple style of Christmas...just one gift a piece and lots of family time together instead.
    But I still have to find those gifts this week. agh!

    I'm very naughty. The item I would place in someone's orphaned cart would be a large carton of condoms.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    ~Lisa

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  6. Oh my! I could never do it. But I know that next time I see a "whailing 6 year old" I'm gonna think of this post and wish I had a parenting book handy.

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  7. Merry Christmas to you and your readers, I'm just stopping by new blogs that i think are interesting. And then ill put some of those on my favorites list to visit again. Happy holidays folks and wishing everyone a healthy new years as well. Richard from a Amish community in Pennsylvania.

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  8. Oh the fantasies we have! We could put yoga tapes in the carts of stressed out moms. Maybe some veggies and vitamins in the cart full of donuts and cookies. Or maybe a Christmas sweater is Ms. Sophisicated's cart...Merry Christmas!

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  9. I love it...you could really get creative here!
    Hugs!
    Courtney

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  10. I'm with Bee Lady. I have to abandon my cart because the aisles are so crowded that only my body can squeeze down them, but I leave it on the end next to a display. I figure if someone needs something off that shelf, it won't kill them to move the cart. What I find most people do, though, is they see my abandoned cart and decide to abandon theirs double-parked next to me, and by the time I get back to my cart, it is surrounded by other carts and all the carts are blocking the end aisle.

    We have three grocery stores in our area and all three are full to the gills at any hour of the day or night. We have a WalMart coming in, and the three grocery stores are threatening to go out of business once WalMart opens. I think there's no need. WalMart will just help spread the shoppers out, so that maybe we can get down an aisle with our carts.

    I've never had anyone put anything in my cart, but I've had people take stuff out, thinking it was a sale cart. One lady never made the connection that the frozen item she pulled out of what she thought was a sale cart, was frozen. Hmmmm. How did it get that way sitting at room temperature?

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  11. Somehow, I'm almost ready for Christmas! Soon I'll have time for blogging...

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